Fierce Loyalty

I am fiercely loyal to people, institutions, and one bicycle athlete. Unfortunately I am fiercely loyal beyond what they deserve. I want to believe that people are good. That people running an institution are good. That winning something seven times in a row after battling cancer is due to hard work after accepting one’s mortality.

Oh don’t get me wrong. These people or institutions have been good to me: given me opportunities for my own success, growth, and something to strive for (no, I wasn’t ever gong to be a bicycle racer but . . . overcoming adversity, that is a nice thing to believe in). There friendship and/ or support has deepened my my loyalty. But then their own needs and or ambitions aren’t mine so when they start taking advantage of my loyalty, I don’t see it right away. They still support me, as long as I do not stop them or get in their way of achieving their dreams. Some are still good friends but I have had to evaluate my own lack of clarity in seeing these people or institutions. In my own quest to do right, be a good friend, a good employee, a fan, I trust that the stories I hear are not true. Pretty soon, though, you realize that there might be some truth since I have been hearing this or that from so many varied sources.

Some of my friends are still good friends; I am still loyal but I know they are watching out for themselves first; that their ambitions will come first, just as my ambitions/goals are important to me. However, I chose not to use people is a throw-away manner to achieve my goals. I want bridges, friends, opportunities to afford more than my success. I am only here a short while; I do not want to be overwhelmed by lies, distrust, hatred, and instead recognize we all have our own paths. If I realize that my fierce loyalty is sometimes blind; I also realize that sometimes my own goals might seem that way to someone else. And so each day, I work on being kinder, gentler, compassionate, and thankful.

If I don’t win something, I hope whomever does, wants it as much as I thought I did, but more importantly thanks those who helped them succeed. That I remember humility in the strictest sense of humbleness not embarrassment. That I remember gratitude and sincerity. That I remember to be fiercely loyal to myself. (And accept the good that bicyclist did for fighting disease not fighting other competitors as dishonest and more honest than he.)


About mentaldiva

Only dead fish go with the flow--I am not swimming upstream all the time, but I certainly do not merely go with the flow either. Professional female with expectations of equity living in a redneck community needing to express herself!
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