When people are upset with you, if they are not related more often than not you will find out the reason, if you don’t know it already. However, in my step-family, I never know the reason why. Lots of conjectures, lots of wondering but if I ask directly, I am told “Nothing is wrong. You are fine.” Well of course I am fine. But that doesn’t answer why you have shunned me for eight months; why you only call on your father’s cell phone; only return calls from his cell phone, only call him at work.
I can understand being upset with me but really not telling me why and expecting me to “drop it” because it is past, over, finished? No, it isn’t. You still shun me, are cool to my verbal interactions, un-friended me on social media. When you finally come to visit, you barely speak to me and always politely but make it clear that you are only visiting because of your father and friends. I wouldn’t mind so much IF I knew what it was I did this time to “piss you off this time, baby!” to steal a phrase from The Blues Brothers.
Why does this bother me? I am not bothered by the act of shunning but the failure of disclosure of the “bad” deed or deeds that I did to enact this interaction, or rather lack of. In the past I would initiate a conversation by writing inquiries so as to not be confrontational, however that became a source of mockery so I stopped. As I said when I verbally face-to-face inquiry I am told “all is well.”
Not being overly insecure, I let weeks or even months go by before I ponder this again. My life is full; rich with professional and personal relationships, activities, obligations and responsibilities. I have a plethora of nephews and nieces, grand-nephews and nieces so fulfill my “motherly” instincts, or rather the Aunt that everyone loves to play with, share with unless you happen to be on my stepchildren.
Perhaps since I didn’t raise you, came into your lives when you were already young adults with the exception of one, I am not seen as someone important. I just happen to be the person your father married. Not really family (at least that is how the stepdaughter’s mother-in-law behaves but that is another story.). Not someone to include in any “family” time, decisions or activities.
Another mystery of stepfamilies I certainly do not understand. Something I will ponder when I have the time or inclination to think about it. Like when one of the children call and want Dad to come visit—meaning we have some household chores we do not know how to do and need your help Dad. Or will you come to this or that holiday but our house will be full. . . . I am sure I will not have an answer anytime soon!